Posts Tagged ‘pity’

Slugs Don’t Want Your Pity

February 18, 2010

you are an asshole.  that is fine.

you live in my house.  that is fine.

you invite slugs over for dinner.

they refuse to leave.  they are assholes.

you offer them drinks.

after the slugs are dead you say

you gave them saltwater.

that is fine.

you feed my children the dead slugs.

they are hungry.

they have strong immune systems.

they will grow up to be assholes.

that is fine.

my children are pissed.

you said the slugs were fries.

my children cannot tell the difference

between slugs and fries.

my children are stupid.

I tell them to stop crying

and go to bed because

it is late and no one cares

about their feelings.

you slither over and stand

in my intimate space.

your cheeks are flushed

and your pupils are dilated.

I will not have sex with you.

you are an asshole.


do not feel sorry for slugs.

they don’t feel sorry or anything else.

you are still an asshole.


get out of my house.

I Think By Now We Can All Agree That I’m Not Very Good At This

November 16, 2009

My opening line is weak.

I am embarrassed that this

is on the internet.

The internet is embarrassed that

I am on it.  If you were

three Olympic judges

you would give me two fours

and a six, a pity six, because

I look sort of like the brunette

you dated in high school.

You lost your virginity with her

and it was not pity sex.  I’ll take

your pity six but not your pity sex.

That isn’t true, I will take your pity sex

and I will like it, a lot, and then you

will also like it a lot and

ta-da, we’ll just have sexy sex.

You don’t like that I said

‘sexy sex’ in a poem

and no longer find me attractive.

I think I am deceiving

myself.  I think stories

I wrote in second grade

are cooler than this poem.

My mom thinks the stories

I wrote in second grade

are cooler than this poem.

The stories I wrote in

second grade think they are

cooler than I am, and

they’re right.