Posts Tagged ‘big dogs make me feel safe’

What My Counseling Session Today Would Have Looked Like Had I Remembered To Go Not An Hour Late

October 14, 2010

do you get much affection?
.

.

from

..

.
men? anyone?

.

.
jack licks my arms sometimes

.

.
who’s jack?

.

.
my roommate’s golden retriever

.

.
oh.

..

.
i dont get off on it or anything

.

.

.
that’s sad, though

.

.

.
its more just gross

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for Jack, the golden retriever that lives in my house

September 2, 2010

you know how to obey
but you don’t
have the ability to love

here is some pizza

To Ratchet, Darling: This Is Not My Best, But I Did It For You.

December 26, 2009

two dozen foil-covered dishes splay out

grease and fat made proudly by my

discerning relatives, one set of wrinkled

silver tops devouring another.

.

my eyes glaze like

uncovered gravy

going solid in the beige

Pyrex behind the second

dish of deviled eggs.

.

my aunts and grandmother

talk about homosexuals.

.

did you hear about Brian and his ‘friend’

…..……you know they won’t be having children

……….(laugh laugh laugh)

but you can’t judge ‘em

………….no, you have to love’em, they’re still

…………family

I don’t think God made ‘em that way

I think they choose to be like that

.

we humans have trouble with

presence without pretext,

pesky “I think, therefore I am

uncomfortable” leaving us unable

to sit silent with each other, radiating

happiness by simple fact of I am not alone

and we are not alone together.

.

I would rather kneel

eyes closed, bare neck

against your black velvet

throat, nerves to skin to fur

to skin to nerves singing it is good

that you are here it is good that we

touch your presence against my presence

is good it is good we are together here it is

good it is good it is good back and forth in primal

love rite language deeper felt than words

left unregistered by your

beautiful brain.

The Big Dogs

December 10, 2009

the big dogs eat my heart, oh my god,

the big dogs weave themselves into

my limbs as I sleep like casts for

all-over fractures and breathe deep

to massage my jagged jigsaw bones

back into place.

.

they say things like “we are one” and

“you are ours, and we are yours.”

they howl burial hymns that scythe

men’s souls to shards like murder

mirrors bouncing future pictures

back of awkward, messy ends;

men blush and weep, ashamed

of ugly, indifferent deaths.

.

the big dogs blaze strength like martyrs

in my weakness, they hunt in packs,

they think like us but cannot speak.

I love them, my god, I love them

so much; I feel their souls through

the fur on their necks

because they choose to live

in the open.  the big dogs

have no home but themselves;

I go where they go, I sleep where

they sleep.  they are my guides

and keepers, they know the place

where I will die, they will carry me

on their soft, strong backs as I go.

Two Four Time

November 13, 2009

I was a gentler soul before I knew how to operate

a motor vehicle.  I was a gentler soul before

my friends told me being nice was trite.

one time my brother played a song on the piano

downstairs and I held my head because

it moved me.  one time I woke up and my

legs didn’t work.  my mother cried because

she thought I might never walk again.  my

mother cried because our family fell apart

September of last year.  you sing dirty songs

about me in front of our grandparents.  you

sing like James Brown really well even though

you’re white.  people tell me that I am the spitting

image of my father.  people tell me that God turns

the gears in my body.  big dogs make me feel safe.

big dogs killed my parents’ Chihuahuas, which is

funny because Chihuahuas are annoying.  I still

think about how the orange flowers on Degonia

look in summer.  I still think about the albums

you played in the basement, the places I went

in my head when I heard a man’s voice.