I Think By Now We Can All Agree That I’m Not Very Good At This

My opening line is weak.

I am embarrassed that this

is on the internet.

The internet is embarrassed that

I am on it.  If you were

three Olympic judges

you would give me two fours

and a six, a pity six, because

I look sort of like the brunette

you dated in high school.

You lost your virginity with her

and it was not pity sex.  I’ll take

your pity six but not your pity sex.

That isn’t true, I will take your pity sex

and I will like it, a lot, and then you

will also like it a lot and

ta-da, we’ll just have sexy sex.

You don’t like that I said

‘sexy sex’ in a poem

and no longer find me attractive.

I think I am deceiving

myself.  I think stories

I wrote in second grade

are cooler than this poem.

My mom thinks the stories

I wrote in second grade

are cooler than this poem.

The stories I wrote in

second grade think they are

cooler than I am, and

they’re right.

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